my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
