And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
