I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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