Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
