I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
