Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
