i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Randomize
