Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Randomize
