i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
