I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
