You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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