good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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