First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
