Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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