meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
