Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
