mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
