Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
