Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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