Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
