After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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