i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
