I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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