I heard we made out
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
