some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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