i think i have two assholes
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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