Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
