How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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