I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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