Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Naked. naked and bneed help.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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