yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I can't turn off my feet"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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