My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
