Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize
