There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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