i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
