I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I met the friendliest cop last night
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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