Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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