I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
