All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
