Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
