i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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