i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
third nipple confirmed
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
