So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
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You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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