I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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