Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
