I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
