Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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