also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize