Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
