I'm laying in your front yard are you home
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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