I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
