how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
