Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
