operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
