Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
That was an excessively violent trivia night
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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