I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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