Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
