would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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