In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
