So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
