maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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