I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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