well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
