You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I need to stop coming to work sober
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
