Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I lost the right to judge tonight
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
