Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
