i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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