I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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