You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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