she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
